lessons from a villain I hate but understand...

Holla!!

I hope this email finds you well.

To be honest, I don't really feel like writing today. It's one of those days where it feels easier to suspend everything and tell myself I'll just get to it tomorrow. But that's not how we build greatness, is it? We do today what we must. Not because it's easy, but because it matters.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how our worlds spin around the people in them. Relationships. Friendships. Lovers. Mentors. Strangers. Isn't it wild how the entire trajectory of your life can shift just because of one connection? One "hello" that became everything. Or one betrayal that changed the way you see the world.

I was watching The Rookie again — yup, still hooked — and I found myself deeply irritated (again) by Rosalind Dyer. She's this serial killer in the show, and man, I loathe her. No surprises there. But then I got curious. Psychopaths, like her, often view people as tools or obstacles — expendable. But what if someone had shown her radical kindness in her formative years? What if someone had seen her and stayed, loved her without condition, nurtured the light before the darkness took root? She would've turned out entirely different, I believe that.

It makes me wonder how different we all could've been — better, worse, softer, bolder — if the people who were supposed to love us had actually loved us well. All of our experiences — our fears, our boldness, our empathy, even our sense of humor — are shaped by the relationships we keep and the ones we've lost. You're always one relationship away from your next breakthrough. And, honestly, also one away from destruction. There's something both sobering and magical about that.

So here's my question for you:
What relationships are you intentionally giving your energy to?

Not the ones that are convenient. Not the ones that just happen to be around — but the ones you're choosing. Here's a little litmus test that's helped me lately: would you be okay with your child growing up in the energy of this relationship? That might sound dramatic, but it helps cut through the noise.

I'm not saying we should expect perfection. Far from it. My own relationships have been messy, complicated, imperfectly beautiful. But the ones that matter? We weather the storm together. We sit in the tension. We communicate, even when it's awkward. We hold tight to the belief that the heart of the other person is still good, even when their actions falter.

And still, some people will leave. Some people are only meant to walk with you a short while. That's part of the deal. You don't always get to decide who stays, but you do get to decide who you carry forward and who you become because of it.

Anyway, I know this email's running a bit late — my mailman and I are currently not on speaking terms (kidding, mostly). But better late than never, right?

With love,
Dolapo Tej.